Procrastination is the sincerest form of delaying the inevitable.

I should be writing work stuff right now. You know, for the making money portion of my life. But the internets are a strange and wonderful place. (And I also have a mosquito bite on the bottom of my foot that's driving me insane. That's not relevant, I just felt like sharing.) So, when I sat down today to dutifully toil away at my keyboard, a photo in my email caught my eye and I was unavoidably.... distracted.

Then I thought to myself, "Self, you should share this with other people on the internets who maybe haven't seen it yet. And perhaps, they too have an annoying mosquito bite in an uncomfortable spot and this would make them feel better."

Now, I can't guarantee this will make you feel better, I mean, my mosquito bite still itches, but it may momentarily take your mind off it. This website is...well, it's just straight-up awkward. I think the exact words to leave my mouth upon seeing this picture were, "Holy Aunt Jemima on the pancake box!!"
Enjoy.

What kind of photo is this? Do they display this above the mantle? On Christmas cards? "Happy Holidays from  the Buck Nekkids." And what was the thought process behind this? "Let's go nude for the family photo! Oh.. maybe I should cover up the naughty bits... You know what? Let's use the cats! Then we'll match!" I don't think the cats are really down with this plan either. From the looks on their faces, they are humiliated and know that their reps are completely ruined.

So, that's my procrastination update for the day. If you would like to ruin your retinas some more, head over to awkward family pet photos for even more fun. I shall endeavor to update this more frequently. I keep forgetting I started this blog.

Is anyone reading this? If not, I just spent fifteen minutes typing out a thought process that took less than ten seconds. Bahahahaha...well, if not then I will have something to look back on when the Old Timer's strikes and I can't remember anything. I'll look back and be shocked at myself and my blatant misuse of time.
I look forward to it.

Best Day Ever

Today is probably one of the most exciting days of my adult life, so far.
Did I get engaged, you ask?
No.
Did I win the lottery?
No.
Was I accepted to some prestigious university program?
Nope.
Clearly, if you are asking these questions, you are a normal person.
Those are all exciting, adult-ish happenstances.
However, this news trumps all of those things.

Ready?

I am getting a trampoline!!

Best. Day. Ever.

That is all.

The Perils of Penguin Ownership

I'd like to have a pet penguin, but I hear they are pretty smelly. Actually, this is untrue. The last time I was at the zoo, I smelled that they were smelly. Which was incredibly disappointing for me. I realize all animals have to poop, but penguins are particularly smelly about it. No courtesy air freshener spritz after the deed (what my roommate lovingly calls the "poop-n-spray"), or at least the decency to bury their feces. Nope. Penguins are all like, "HEY! SMELL THAT? THAT WAS ME!" Yes, my little stinky, tuxedo-ed friends, we get it. You are fantastically gifted at dropping a deuce. I felt especially let down because in all the animated films about penguins, specifically, Happy Feet, the penguins look amazingly soft, happy and cuddly. They aren't though. They are smelly, stand-offish and dirty.
I wanted a television version.
"So, really," my then-boyfriend Tom informed me, "you want an animated penguin for a pet."
I agreed and wondered aloud how hard that would be to arrange. He shook his head and muttered something under his breath about acting like an adult, which I chose to very maturely ignore. It turns out, however, that installing holographic penguin material in our townhouse was slightly cost-prohibitive.
So I abandoned the penguin quest and started researching pygmy kittens. Kittens that stay tiny forever! They are extremely cute and cuddly (in real life!) and required no holographic installation. But I was foiled again when I ran into two problems: the kittens' price tag and life expectancy. I was waiting tables at the time and making enough money to afford a regular cat (which I didn't own, due to their not staying tiny forever), but the price tags on these kittens were more than my car was worth (which wasn't saying a lot, but still) and they were only expected to live for about five years. As much as I wanted a tiny pocket kitten that I could carry around with me, and shock people by allowing her head to pop out of my clothing unexpectedly, I was also terrible with money. And following through with things.
So, after a few weeks of research, I realized that I'd have to sell my car to buy the kitten, and then would have no way to get the kitten home from the airport, and further that the kitten would probably die before the car ever would, I discarded this idea as well. It's probably for the best, as both real and holographic pets need food, love and attention. (What? Even virtual pets need love. I know, because my nano-pet died when I forgot about it when I was ten.) I was almost never home an they probably would have died soon after joining my household and then I would've felt terrible.
The moral of this story is that I have always wanted weird, exotic pets, but have never actually owned one. My current boyfriend, Roo, and I are thinking of getting a dog soon, but I'm somewhat concerned about my complete lack of skills as a pet-owner. I'm not even a plant owner. I own electronics. This could be bad. Or it could be awesome, as I plan on teaching our dog impeccable hygiene-manners. Our dog will not be a smelly penguin. We'll teach him the poop-n-spray method.